What Anxiety Is Really Trying To Tell Us
This morning I caught myself slipping into a very familiar yet sabotaging behaviour.
I recently logged back onto Facebook after a long period of hiatus, just for the purpose of using a Facebook group I will be part of in the new year. I’ve had my ups and downs and offs and ons with Facebook, but I have come to the realisation that I find it toxic and I don’t think it’s healthy to use every day.
There is one friend in particular who I for some reason get drawn back to so I can see what she’s up to, and today I found myself mindlessly scrolling through her pictures and feeling, let’s just say, some darker emotions.
At first I felt terrible. Why was I feeling jealous of this person? I didn’t even want the life she had, did I? She’s a Mother, she has a partner and she lives in a beautiful, hot, beach-filled country. Maybe I didn’t want the Mother part, but I certainly at one point wanted the travel and the hot country part. And yes, as much as I sometimes don’t want to admit it to myself, I do crave a soul partner at times.
I could feel myself steadily slipping into massive anxiety and I didn’t like it at all. And that’s when I realised, that anxiety was coming from me being in a place of constantly looking outward, and constantly thinking there was something wrong with me for not having what everyone else has.
This woman had showed snap shots of her beautiful life over the Christmas period. Did that mean that every moment was beautiful and peaceful - most definitely not. Did it mean that just because she looks happy she is happy? I don’t know. What I do know is I was buying into an illusion again, the seductive way of thinking that everyone else is better off, happier, more content.
It has taken me a long time to realise, but when my anxiety peaks, it's actually telling me to slow down and go within.
Our true nature and wisdom lies within and yet we ignore it daily thinking that someone else has the answers and has figured everything out that we haven’t. When we’re feeling anxious, we’re desperately trying to grasp at something that’s not real. We’re trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with us, when in reality there isn’t anything wrong with us at all.
If we're brave enough to listen, anxiety is a beautiful invitation to press pause.
What was really going on for me was I was telling myself this person had an amazing life whilst completely ignoring myself and what I wanted. Had I stopped to address my needs before scrolling through Facebook thinking everyone else is having a better time? And what does ‘having a better time’ mean anyway? If I don’t want to be a Mother, why was I jealous of that family picture? If I don’t have space for a partner in my life at the moment, why was I thinking something was wrong with me because I’m single?
The deeper workings of what was running through my system today were the facts that I still yearn to birth something, share my life and create a family. It’s just that it’s probably not going to look the way everyone else’s family, babies and partners look, but it doesn’t mean the longing and desire for all of that will just disappear.
I now understand that I am worthy of a tribe, a family, security and the ability to give birth to a new idea, business or community, I sometimes just get caught up in the story that I have to do it the way everyone else has done it and that’s where I become anxious, feel afraid, and feel inadequate.
Now I’ve understood why my anxiety came up this morning, finally we can sit peacefully together again without worry that one will sabotage the other. If you’re also struggling with anxiety today can you do the same?
Ask it what it needs you to know?
Accept it’s message and sit with it for a while?
Allow it to melt under your loving heart?
And then ask it to take a quiet seat whilst you get back to your real work?